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I Wedding Manifesto
I Wedding Manifesto
The Seven Secrets For Superstar Brides
Enlightening, Empowering…and Fun
by Judith Rivers-Moore, The WeddingLinks Coach
Congratulations on your forthcoming marriage!
With our Wedding Manifesto Planner You Will Be Rewarded With
• An efficient use of your time in the wedding planning process.
• Lower your stress and maintain the stabilizing romantic relationship with your fiance.
• Save a great deal of money.
• Gain a basic knowledge on how to do any type of party in the future.
This is not just quick tips that often lead brides down the wrong road to added STRESS. Often brides end up with someone else’s cookie-cutter idea of a wedding and not their own style wedding and reception built on a budget they cannot afford. Brides Make Hundreds of Decisions and Spend Thousands of Dollars In A Very Short Time
Whether you are hiring a professional wedding planner or are one of the ... 80% of the announced brides each year that plan and coordinate their own wedding. They make thousands of decisions and spend thousands of dollars. This is no time to be guessing at what you are doing. The planning of this added to an already busy schedule has an impact on engaged couples. The bride-to-be moves through the process often on her own, with help from friends and family researching every detail. Some of our tips bring the groom-to-be involved. You become an empowered bride with the combination of style, wedding management, relationship building, self-assurance and insurance for completing any style wedding you desire with coping skills to lessen your stress. We give you the three Ps in Wedding Planning:
Pitfalls, Problems & Possibilities! - Enjoy the first chapter & print out your wedding planning forms below...
Introduction: THE SEVEN SECRETS OF A SUPERSTAR BRIDE
Most brides want to know how to look their best on their wedding day. Surprisingly, it is their healthy sparkling glow of love people notice most.
Embrace and care for yourself! Loving and taking care of you is part of this. Prepare ahead for your "healthy wedding glow" that will dazzle your groom and guests. We encourage you to step forth with confidence and eyes bright for those photos. We encourage these suggestions:
• Get the skin care routine going immediately and explore make-up ideas or products that will improve the
skin tones. You want to GLOW on your wedding day.
• Pick out a doable form of exercise for at least four days a week and stick to it.
• Drink plenty of filtered water with lemon juice.
• Choose a specific diet to lose or gain weight or ask for this weight maintenance service as a gift from friend or family.
• Six months ahead of your wedding day find the hair stylist you want to work with.
• Many brides seek someone who will go on location to help with hair and makeup the day of the wedding. Other ladies get everyone to the same salon. We have these linked in each region on our WeddingLinks.co.
• Determine if you want a veil, tiara or specific ethnic headdress for your wedding day attire.
• Understand what your best colors are. Flowers can bring up your eyes in the photographs; your bridesmaid's dresses can also reflect your skin, hair and eye colors.
Super Star Brides are sure of their goals.
Some brides ask, “How do I quell my fears about whether I’m doing the right thing in marrying this person, in planning this wedding and in spending this money?” How do I keep from raging at myself or other people when things are not done right? True, the decision to get married does hit the GO button on many of our insecurities and fears. This is really not a coordinator’s job, but these insecurities lead to stress and stress leads to the “bridezilla factor” so let’s talk about this.
Love & Marrying This Person
Face facts, you’ll know if you really love someone. Lust is not loved; it’s a nice component of love. Using is not love. Relieving yourself of a problem by getting married is not a good river to go down and very unfair to you both. If, either one of you feels like “arm candy”, or “the money vault”, then stronger relationships won’t build. Mutual respect, goals and a good laugh levels the reality that neither is perfect - all helps.
Strangely, love is never equal to time; sometimes it runs like a current, more his side and sometimes more from your side. It is also the many components of being a friend. You determine what love means to you and if he can’t deliver, or you can’t, part friends.
We encourage brides to… Reflect 15 minutes each day on what you both have and want to happen in the months to come. Write your goals. Study the marriage vows and verse surrounding your union that are included in your gifts. View the qualities of the man you are marrying and be grateful you met that person to spend your life with, for some never do. You are entering matrimony. You’ve chosen someone very special, a friend, a confident, and a mate with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
Planning This Wedding Without Raging at Myself and Others
If you never have attended a wedding, then it is facing an unknown. That is a bit intimidating to anyone. But, for those that have been around brides in the process of planning or viewed weddings, you do realize things can go wrong – yet most things go right. It is like my mother used to say. “Planning any type of social event needs to appear smooth, timely and no one sees or hears about the imperfections or problems. Much like a duck on the water, gliding, effortless, whereby no one sees the paddling going on under the surface of the water.” So when things get ridiculous, close your eyes and see the duck on the water! It is calming and it does make us smile. Perfectionism is a fault – believe it or not! Expectations and someone else’s Cardinal Rule seem to challenge women when they plan a wedding. When you consider your sweetheart’s wishes and your primary goals for the wedding of your dreams. You can affirm daily.. “We are creating our best wedding from our choices!”
This has nothing to do with budget, nothing to do with style or keeping up with what the magazines say, or your sister’s wedding or what The Wedding Class may show you, it is about YOUR choices. What is best for you and your style. Adding the stress of all the coordination details and decision-making can be frustrating. What most brides complain about is they have to stand their ground or appease other people’s desires. When they stand up for
themselves people say they sound like a “B”. Take a moment to reflect on our past teachers. Did they storm around demanding attention? Maybe some lost their tempers it in the classroom, but the majority of our teachers spoke clearly and some softly for their expectations of their students.
When there are challenges in the planning process, they are just that, “challenges”, not the end of the world. There are situations and problems you will both get through by negotiation and planning. It is especially important to see the good in each other. That brings the confidence to walk down the aisle.
Spending This Money “What’s Sticker Shock? We’re Not Buying a car?”
With wedding planning, you will find areas you want to splurge, some areas you will be extremely thrifty, and some you do not want to bother with. We encourage you to set your priorities, your budget, your guest list, and see if they will all merge well, if not, go back to the drawing board. Give yourself timeframe on your wedding date. You may need to earn extra dollars or do things the way you dream. Weddings do take a timeline of
eighteen to twelve months.
Secret # 3
Many brides state they are constantly at war over “their wedding plans.
Whether your fiancée, your mom, his mom, your friends or family members, miscommunication, disagreements and battles can rob you of your energy. It can turn you into another type of person, someone who becomes edgy and defensive and often explodes for no reason. When you hear the groom say "Anything you want dear. I want you to be happy." he may be:
• avoiding decisions
• saying what his dad suggested
• just fed up with your negating any of his input
Tip: If you jump on him because of his answer over how he feels, he will be less inclined to share his feelings on a subject the next time. It is not about changing his mind; it is about expressing feelings and beliefs. If you have asked him to be involved, then give the leeway. Open the door to options and possible things he can complete or would be interested in doing. By placing priorities on what each of you want in the structure of the wedding, reception and honeymoon, you will come out with a dream wedding. For instance: (He may want to say the vows privately and you want this in front of everyone. Determine the goal of the action. You may wish to walk down the aisle with everyone seeing how lovely you are. He does not care to make a speech in front of others. (Public speaking is the second greatest fear.) Negotiate and resolve this (possibly) by selecting a simple wedding ceremony where he only says "I do". Putting him down or on the defense and calling him a name is not your best tactic. Handling other family relationships people can be difficult also
When you announce you are getting married you will soon have an avalanche of ideas, tips, etiquette, input, input, input. We have a few suggestions here:
• Don’t reply – other than saying, “Thank you, we will consider the idea(s).”
• Or “Thanks, that’s a great idea, I’ll speak with ____________about it.”
• He should be handling the requests to and from his side of the family and you with yours.
• It really helps to have an on-line engagement page that you up-date monthly. This way you can point to the web page address for everyone
to take a look regarding current information.
Successful Brides Choose Their Battles Wisely
With your fiancée’, ask why he feels a particular way about the wedding planning or future concerns. Men have been taught not to show or indicate feelings. They often jump from a simple disagreement to anger, not quite understanding why. Your inclusion of his feelings, input and decisions reflect long-term in your marriage. Bride’s are told, “Its your day” “Bride Rules”, but his point of view counts now and in the future, so gain his
assist in this now.
Most Brides Are Concerned About Managing It All
All the decisions and tasks in developing the wedding and reception. Successful Brides learn out to create a Planning Team they can delegate some of the workload to. Most guys like assisting a variety of ways and some balk. Communicate to everyone you choose to assist that you are coordinating
your own wedding and you require their help, especially the day of the wedding. It is all about “Eating the Elephant One Bite At A Time ...
1. Utilize your maid of honor’s assistance.
2. Ask people locally to assist you that you can count upon.
3. Give them clear instructions and the dates for when you need something done.
4. Let them know how important it is to you.
5. Express your appreciation.
6. Confirm their ability to do what you need to have completed.
• Managing and coaching you wedding team is part of being a Super Star Bride. When you coordinate your own wedding you require a team. This is one time in your life you need local help to get the job done. We highly recommend you read “The One Minute Manager”. This one-hour read can influence your asking powers. (Amazon has this in used paperbacks.) • Once you decide to coordinate the wedding, your family and loyal friends will not have the comfort of being “just a guest at your wedding.” You need their assistance as you delegate duties and day-of assignments. Each one of your attendants requires “this knowledge” as you invite them to participate in the wedding and reception. They need to know you will be giving them a “honey-do list” as you approach the wedding day.
1. Get together with them socially –when possible
2. Ask them to sign on for tasks they can accomplish with their busy schedules.
3. Create “please do lists” for each of the Wedding Team as you approach the wedding day.
It helps to know how to give encouragement, communicate your desires clearly and express how thankful you are for their support. People want to feel great about signing on to help. They may not do everything the exact way you would but some will do it better. Think better!
• You will need several people overseeing specific areas during the ceremony and reception. You do not want people coming up to you continuously and asking directions from you throughout the day.
• Getting ready and the Dressing Area – keeping everyone on time
• Set up of the Ceremony Area – plus the entrance, where guests arrive
• The Reception Room – before – with set up, linens, caterer, cake arrivals
• The Reception Room – during – to maintain the flow of the event
• Clean up – depending on your location, someone has to do it
Secret # 5
Super Star Brides work diligently to stay Within Their Budgets.
This is one of the toughest things to achieve when planning. Sticker shock on vendor and service pricing can scare couples and families.
• It is important to point you toward setting affordable priorities. There are times to be thrifty and times to
splurge. When you make your best choices within your budge margins, you come through this with a
sense of pride and accomplishment.
• This means, shopping, reviewing, finding out who has the best service for less and gives you what you want, on-time, in-place with a good attitude. You will have many of these services around you ALL day… so your personalities have to click.
• By staying within your budget you will lessen the first year’s marriage stress. Most brides over-spend by 15%.
Since average wedding prices in U.S. is $25,000 for 100 people. 15% is a debt of $3,750. (Or most of your honeymoon money.) By utilizing the “Couples WorkSheet” and the 3 column budget we give you in the gifts received today, you both have the opportunity to express your priorities, spend less or more on a given item. We also give you a percentage budget so you can quickly see where the heavy costs are...
Being late for your own wedding and/or reception can cost you thousands of dollars in overtime fees.
Sometimes having the wedding of your dreams may not be in your financial realm. Accept that and move on to the next best choices. No one has to know. You are not walking down the aisle with a sign on your back saying, “This is Not the Wedding Of My Dreams”!
Setting a budget helps you see where family or friend’s gifts can assist with your costs.
• You may establish a honeymoon gift registry - where your invited guests can contribute financially to your honeymoon.
• Attend a bridal show in the area to review pricing. It varies from region to region. You may want a specific vendor who has several package prices for his/her services.
• The earlier you begin planning, the more opportunity you have to gain your primary selection of vendors for your date. If they are planning a price change, they generally go up in the next January.
Secret # 6
Super Star Brides & Grooms Often Create “Their Signature Style”.
There are no set rules on this, so do not feel obligated in any way to create this aspect of your wedding. Bride’s complain about the questions people as and the ideas they are bombarded with.
• What is your theme?
• Is this a traditional or non-traditional wedding?
• What is your color scheme?
• What type of photography?
• Are you taking pre-marital counseling classes?
• Are you signing a nuptial agreement?
• How are you going to personalize your wedding?
Well honestly, how personal do you want it? Some people are nosy and some really do care, so you choose who you answer to and why. Make an agreement with your intended on the privacy you prefer in your planning. Create a standard statement you both can make. With a signature wedding, your planning structure, wedding ceremony and program can include personal information. Couples find methods for the guests who attend to leave with insight into their personalities. So if Cookie-Cutter weddings are not your thing, then expressing the “unique you” may be perfect.
Envision the “end result” and structure your plan step-by-step will allow your idea to work best.
(For instance, you want your wedding album to be half portraits and half candid. You don’t want your guests waiting for an hour while you do photos away from the reception. You look for this type of photographer service and consider portraits and family photos before the wedding or space an extra hour between the time the reception begins after the ceremony. (This is putting process into place that provides stated goals.) Create a sheet for each vendor you require that outlines your desired end result and states what your budget should be. As you interview the vendors, log their abilities to meet your needs.
Asking the wedding services the right questions and stating the results you desire - Read Our Interview Questions
This gives you knowledge of each vendor and what possibilities and ideas they can bring to your wedding. They often know if something is doable or have
something better to offer. This will lead to helpful decision making if you take notes on your interviews.
Tips on Personalizing Your Wedding Day Include:
• a personalized profile of; how you met, your work or hobbies in the ceremony structure, the program and the reception toasting.
• Inclusion of vegan style foods, environmental green attitudes, or donations to charities instead of gifts
• handle the children’s care or their entertainment at a wedding
• decor or themes and cultural differences may be planned in the ceremony with music, readings, dance, ethnic rituals and attire provide insight
• ethnic foods at the reception
• destination travel
• inclusion of photo montages
• how you leave the wedding; in a vintage car or golf cart or her Harley
• surprise the guests with a “First Dance” that will wow them
Secret # 7
Brides Who Coordinate Thei
One of our gifts to our Brides is the Day Of Coordination Lists & Timeline
Couples found hey had.
Things that were forgotten, they ran out of time at the reception, there was no time for visiting with any of the guests, there were to many people to meet. They were so tense they do not remember a thing.
There’s a Bunch Of Strangers at My Wedding!
Super Star Brides & Grooms are gracious hosts and attempt to meet and greet their guests making them feel welcome. Strangely the food can be poor, the wine weak and the music a little off, but if the bride and groom are gracious to their guests, all is forgotten except the good stuff and their memory of you. But the paradox here is: the food was great, the flowers were fab, the music was wonderful, but the bride and groom were snobs or cold, rude and could not be bothered with the guests they invited. Again, your choice!
There are several formulas to meeting people and handling the warmth of a reception:
• a reception line immediately after the ceremony
• a receiving line as people leave the ceremony area or enter the reception room
• couples move from table to table at the reception
• the couple individually pulls guests onto the dance floor
• pictures with each guest – at tables
• ask your families and attendants to co-host tables
• have a photo booth where all guests upon entering stop to pose with the couple, much like a cruise ship captain does (you can talk and introduce at this time)
Unless it is an intimate wedding, you cannot possible know everyone coming to your wedding. Each one of you knows half the room. This is when you introduce one another to guests repeating names and possible connection to the bride or the groom’s side. Make eye contact, shake hands and pose for photos with them. Try to get to everyone, or complete this with a reception line for larger receptions. Your choice, but plan this out according to when it will occur during the reception. This can be a major concern for shy, tired or overwhelmed brides. They would prefer to hide. We see brides who’s spirits are wilted because of:
• too many last minute demands
• not feeling well the day of their wedding
• problems and arguments with families and friends
• so many people asking them where things are
The best method to handle this is: ask a friend or family member to be the day-of coordinator who sees to the set up and break down or clean up of the event and keeps everyone on time. She or he takes care of the questions, keeps the wedding moving on time and leaves the couple to their guests. When the dressing area, ceremony area and/or reception area are at different addresses, you will need two or three people to assist. Keeping your cool when things are forgotten or do not go as planned is a sign of graciousness. You are the host and hostess of the most important event you might ever plan. Strive to keep your relationships strong and healthy. We love answering your questions. Please e-mail them on this website, if not already answered in our FAQ section.
Please Print Your First Session GIFTS
Couples Work Sheet
Guest List Form
Overall Event Timeline
If you have found this information empowering and helpful in planning your wedding, our next book chapters are filled with empowering and enlightening tools and a great deal of fun!
• Focus, Focus, Focus – deciding your styles and hiring your vendors
• Design Your Signature Wedding – personalizing your wedding
• Team Activation – Day of Coordination
Being informative and helping the Do It Yourself Bride (DIY) structure the planning process for your wedding is the major goal of the book. They are brief chapters filled with management, organization, tips, encouragement, wedding ideas and years of personal wedding planning experience from an author and pro wedding planner. Our goal is to answer the needs and multitude of questions the bride and groom has. Our goal is to make you successful at self-coordinating your wedding and have the Wedding of Your Dreams! Combined with our links to worldwide venues and services on WeddingLinks.com, we offer a great list of professional wedding coordinators from around the world.